Have problems need to talk

Added: Ann Rutland - Date: 19.02.2022 17:03 - Views: 12278 - Clicks: 9793

Something touched off hard feelings between you and your partner.

Have problems need to talk

Maybe it was a simple mistake. Your loved one forgot to pick up the milk on the way home. Or maybe you wanted some sympathy after a bad day at work, only to hear your partner criticize you. How do you fix a relationship problem? Many people dread conflict so much they say nothing. They hope the bad feelings will just go away. You need to know how to talk about a relationship problem. The important thing is to learn how to allow the emotions involved.

Have problems need to talk

You need to see them and soothe them as a couple, so they resolve. Amy wanted to keep just those things around the house they needed and used now. Bob preferred having stuff like extra boxes, umbrellas, and materials for projects. Bob tended not to tidy up unless pressed. And when Amy has pressed Bob, they had terrible fights. Meanwhile, Bob throws away more than he wants to, and resents it.

Have problems need to talk

And he worries Amy will never be satisfied, no matter how little he keeps or how neat he tries to be. Do you see the trouble? On the surface, the disconnect is about stuff in the house. But as a therapist trained in emotionally focused therapy EFTHave problems need to talk job is to help Bob and Amy see the unspoken thoughts and emotions at work. What do those thoughts mean to their sense of attachment as a couple? She felt dismissed and hurt. After Amy expressed her hurt in a vulnerable way, you could feel their tension soften.

He felt rejected. Before they can solve their lifestyle problem, the bigger problem needs tending: the underlying panic that neither of them saw or cared about each other. They took time to tend the hurts and put stress relief first. After Bob and Amy connected emotionally, they could affirm their support for each other.

They quickly found the energy to be co-creative. Sometimes, tensions arose again. But now they could talk over what was happening without getting locked into battle or withdrawal. Unsolved relationship issues trigger deeper worries about how safe and secure partners feel together. Deep down, relationship hurts trigger bigger questions: Do I matter to you? Are we okay? Doubts about a connection can make a person feel threatened or in danger.

Compare these to some healthier ways to fix a problem instead:. More likely, angry looks will make your partner defensive. Do be clear: Do tell your loved one that you are upset. Say what you are upset about without blame.

Do explain: Tell your partner what hurts you.

Have problems need to talk

Be clear about what you want and need. Do speak from experience: Focus on what happened for you. Clean anger deals with behavior rather than character. You can do a lot to restore goodwill by repairing hurts. What separates many successful couples from less happy ones is the ability to make repairs. Repair is any gesture—a phrase, apology, hug, a friendly glance—that eases the negativity between you. A lot depends on whether, beneath it all, you see each other as friends.

Have problems need to talk

Even if the repair attempt is awkward or clumsy, faith in Have problems need to talk friendship will tips the scales toward healing after conflict. No one wants to invite ridicule or rejection by showing a tender need for love and acceptance. Gently explaining your hurt is the first step to deepening your understanding together.

Being able to hear when your partner is hurt is just as important to make things better. This is much easier said than done. You can learn to get your message through in a way that works with your need to connect, not against it. All rights reserved. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. You have written an excellent post. I hope it will really help to solve the problems of married people. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy. Get Listed. You may wonder if your partner really understands or cares about you. Because avoiding emotional pain in your relationship works against you. Relationship Stress Needs a Response Unsolved relationship issues trigger deeper worries about how safe and secure partners feel together. What else can couples do besides struggle in silence?

You should know me a lot better by now. Can I just vent? I would really like some support. How can we stay on top of this better? Invalid Address. Please confirm that you are human. Leave a Comment By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.

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Have problems need to talk

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Have problems need to talk

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